I have hope

I definitely felt like I had no hope about nursing yesterday (well, maybe for the last week). To be honest, I cried most of the day, which is definitely not like me. BUT, Finn's doctor returned my call and referred me to the lactation consultant at North Memorial Hospital. I called her right away and she reassured me there are things we can do to increase my milk supply. She immediately "prescribed" an herbal supplement called fenugreek or "more milk plus", which I picked up about half an hour later. I take this four times a day starting last night. On Monday, we will set up an appointment to go in when Finn is ready to eat. They will weigh him before and after he eats, so we know how much he is getting. Then, she will help to make a plan based on that information. She was actually at the desk when I picked it up and she again reassured me that we would figure this out. She also suggested avocados, mangoes and oatmeal. And she included a cookie recipe that has something in it because they call them "milk cookies" or something like that! Who knew?!?! So I need to run to the grocery store, I guess!

Now, keep in mind that this herbal supplement tastes AWFUL! But I can take 1-2 oz of liquid with it, so I've found that apple juice helps a little. But, whatever works, I will try. Hopefully between the feeding changes I'm making, the herbal supplement and the food, my milk will come in strong and little man can get the nourishment he needs from me! (my saving grace is that when I was pumping for the two months after Finn was born, I was over producing, which bodes well for my chances now!) I got up at 5am to feed Finn (he wasn't really awake, but I "encouraged" him to be so he could eat!) and there was definitely milk there, he didn't have issues latching on like he has the last several days and he got enough for a feeding. I was very happy. Thank you for all the support. Not being able to properly feed your baby definitely makes you feel like a failure. At least now I feel like I'm doing something about it!

Jim asked me last night why nursing was such an emotional issue for me and why it was such a big deal. It made me think a little bit. I think part of it is that it stems from a survival instinct (if you don't feed your baby, they won't survive). Now, obviously that isn't true today, with formula, but I think it is definitely instinctual. The other part I think for me is that I didn't get to "be" Finn's mom for the first three months of his life. I didn't get to hold him or bathe him or feed him or anything. Now that I can, I WANT to, maybe a little more than I would have if things had been different. I don't know, but he did make me think.

We (John, Sasha, Sonia, Becky, Austin, Pete, Jim, Finn and I) went to watch the River Rats last night. It is a ski show on the Mississippi River. They "practice" every Thursday night for their national competitions, so the show is free. While the announcer needed some work, the show was phenomenal. Finn was even a good boy, but then again, he was outside with lots to hear and see. We had a "small town moment" when we were there. We randomly ran into my aunt Angie, Erica and Gavin there! It is weird to run into people you know when you are in Minneapolis. Afterwards, Lynn offered to stay home to put Finn to bed, so we (John, Sasha, Sonia, Jim and I) went to El Loro for dinner (I ordered guacomole so I could eat some avocadoes!). I really needed the time out. I felt normal again and even had a margarita! Yummy.