Korri made me cry last night. Okay, that isn't completely fair, but I did break down and cry during the middle of the night. She hadn't been eating very well for a couple feedings throughout the evening and refused to latch on during her 4am feeding. I immediately go to that place where I think all is lost, my milk has dried up and there is no hope (it probably doesn't help when it happens in the middle of the night and I'm beyond tired!) and I should just start bottle feeding. But I cried, changed her diaper and put her back to bed. Then this morning and again around noon, she ate like a champ. Finn's EI teacher, Deb, came for her visit and sat with me and talked me through some of what I'm feeling (so what if she is supposed to be here for Finn! I need her, too!). It helped a lot, but also made me cry even more. I hate that if one thing during a feeding isn't right, I think back to what I went through with Finn. I need to remember that Korri is a different baby with different abilities under different circumstances. I'm glad we have a doctor appt tomorrow, so I can talk to her pediatrician a little bit about this and also get a good read on her weight and how she is doing. If she is gaining weight, she is getting enough. PERIOD! I need to stop over thinking and worrying so much, but it is easier said than done.
On the "ups" side, for the most part, she IS eating really well. She tends to arch back and try to unlatch more than I would like her to because it is hard to get her to relatch once she does that, but sometimes, she just eats and eats with no problems. She is awake more during the day and I love to watch her look around and interact with her surroundings. She has smiled a couple of times, but it seemed random. I can't wait for a "real" smile. For the most part, she has outgrown newborn clothes. I squeeze her into a couple things, but I should probably just put them away. She is growing up! What a big girl.
Finn and I (and probably Korri if she could communicate) LOVE having grandma here. I think she's done 50 loads of laundry and the dishes just happen to get done and things get picked up. Hmmm...I wonder if she is looking for a place to live...we'll have a vacant basement come July ;)
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1 comment:
Hugs to you Stacy! I've had many a night where I'd break down in tears because of feeding. You just have to do what you did and cry, let it out and wake up in the morning and start again. It's easy to revert to a helpless "I can't do this" mode and even though it's hard to keep going you need to do what's best for both YOU and Korri, whatever that may be!
You're an awesome mom and doing great. I'm sending lots of hugs!
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